Mom Truths | To Our Husbands: Here’s Everything We WANT You To Do, But Don’t Actually Want You To Do

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No man knows what it’s like to be a mom, but we WANT them to know what it’s like to be a mom…

We want them to feel (in their vaheen) the pain of childbirth. We want them to know the slow torture of cracked nipples. But, we realize that it’s physically impossible for them to understand these things and relate to us as moms.

So, we’re hoping that if we explain ourselves by listing off all the things women want their husbands to do but not do, they will finally get it.

  1. I want you to be more capable as a dad, but that would mean I need to give you the power to do things and I don’t want to give up the job – I just want you to know that the job is hard.
  2. I want you to do it (“it” being all the things), but I don’t actually want you to do it because I’m positive you’re going to do it wrong.
  3. I know you want me to go out for a girls’ night, but I’m not going out because I don’t want to go out, and I’m going to be pissed if you go out for a guys’ night.
  4. I want you to dress the baby, so I don’t have to do it all the time. But not in THAT outfit.
  5. I want you to take me away for a weekend, but I don’t want to leave the kids. So I just want you to want to take me away for the weekend.
  6. I want you to want me and make a move, but I don’t want to have sex.
  7. I want you to surprise me with the things I love but I don’t want you to spend any money.

It’s so simple. Give us what we want but don’t actually give it to us.

We’re crazy but we’re really NOT that crazy… men just don’t get us women. Hopefully this #MOMTRUTH video helps!

Mom Truths | Why Moms Lose Their Sh*t So Often

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Once you become a mom, there are approximately 1,852 things that will cause you to lose your sh*t at any given time. Here are just a few of those things…

  1. When your spouse is sitting on the couch, right in front of our kid, yet your child feels the need to walk upstairs, open the bathroom door, walk in, ask why it smells and then proceed to ask you to open their yogurt drink.
  2. When you go to a restaurant and sit down to a meal (that YOU didn’t have to cook), and your kid has to go to the bathroom at that exact moment. They didn’t have to go before they left the house (you made sure to ask them), but the minute you sit down to have a glass of wine and a hot meal, THAT’S when they have to go.
  3. When you spend all your time planning meals, thinking about the nutritional value of the food you’re serving, going grocery shopping, and cooking dinner just so your kid can take two bites and say they’re done. To top it off, they tell you they’re hungry as soon as you’ve cleared the table.
  4. When you have to remind your kids every. single. night. (like it’s the first time they’ve heard it) that they have to brush their teeth.
  5. When you go to leave the house and your kid thinks for some reason that today they absolutely don’t have to wear socks.
  6. When you get your kid a glass of water and they spill it EVERYWHERE, every time.
  7. When your kids turn the house into a complete disaster and are shocked/mad when you ask them to clean up their toys.
  8. When your kids have been at school all day, yet 20 seconds into the ride home they’re ready to rip each other’s heads off.
  9. When you give your kids a bath and they create a freaking tsunami in the tub, splashing all of the water onto the floor.
  10. When your kid says “snack” – that word is literally on repeat all dang day.
  11. When you’ve done 17 hundred loads of laundry, and your kid comes down the stairs saying they have nothing to wear.

Moms, don’t let other moms tell you they don’t lose their minds. Don’t let them fool you. There are things that piss us all off and we ALL lose our shit on the daily. Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH below!

Mom Truths | Going Back to Work

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To all employers who question whether or not they should hire a mom after she has taken time off with the kids, let us enlighten you…

Here are just some of the reasons why hiring a mom will be the best decision you’ll ever make.

  1. Moms can accomplish more in one hour than most people can get done in a day.
  2. Moms don’t need breaks. We don’t need lunch, because we live off crust and crumbs. And we never go to the washroom anymore – not until the very end of the day when everything else is taken care of.
  3. Moms are more than capable of dividing our time effectively and focusing on the task at hand. We get it done right, and we get it done fast, even if we’re surrounded by a bunch of annoying people who won’t stop talking to us.
  4. Moms have excellent communication skills and exude confidence when doing presentations or public speaking. We’ve been talking to a bunch of loud little people, teachers, doctors, etc. for forever, so we know how to command attention and get the message across.
  5. Moms have incredible problem solving skills, simply because we are a hostage in a hostage situation every dang day.
  6. Moms are great negotiators. Not only can we negotiate, but we’ll get you the best deal there is.
  7. Moms have completed more schooling than most people (JK, SK, Grade 1, Grade 2, Grade 3 – we’ve done it all, three times!!)
  8. Moms are peacemakers
  9. Moms are multitaskers
  10. Moms are team players
  11. Moms are the hardest workers you’ll ever meet

So, employers: it is in your best interest to hire moms. Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video for more!

 

Mom Truths | TOO MANY KIDS!

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With seven children between the two of us, it’s safe to say we have a lot of kids. But how many kids is too many kids? Let us tell you…

You know you have too many kids when:

  1. You don’t know who is who anymore.
  2. You don’t know which kid is what age and God forbid someone asks for a birth date.
  3. The bedtime routine is never ending – bath, massage, songs, chit chat, stories  (aaand repeat for every single kid).
  4. Bathtime is a huge waste of water when you bathe your kids separately, and if you’re brave enough to put them in the tub together, you’ll end up with a wading pool on your bathroom floor (which is also a waste of water…).
  5. Mealtime is a waste of time. You make multiple meals for multiple kids, and none of it actually gets eaten. Instead, all they want is crap food and the baby eats Cheerios off the floor.
  6. Birthday parties are straight up nightmares rather than the extravagant, themed parties they used to be. Instead of inviting extended family, friends, and neighbours, you boycott the celebration altogether. You don’t have time or money to throw one kid a birthday party let alone ALL of them.
  7. Buying and receiving new baby gear and toys is no longer exciting. With every kid you’ve added to the mix, you’ve added more sh*t to the house and it’s just too much and you need to clear it out NOW.
  8. You stop encouraging your little one to participate in various activities. Now you only sign them up for what they ask for because you’re not a bank, nor are you a taxi service.

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video below!

 

 

 

Mom Truths | New Parenting Styles

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When did parenting styles become a thing? And WHY are there so many?

When we were kids, our parents got us out of bed, got us dressed, got us fed, and put us to bed. That was that.

Now there are like 700 different parenting styles – the tiger, the bear, the helicopter, attachment, authoritative…and the list goes on. and on. and on.

Well, not to make life even more complicated for everyone, but we decided to add a few more parenting styles to the list:

  1. “Where the F*CK is my coffee” parenting style
  2. “I’m just trying to make it through the day without falling apart” parenting style
  3. “I’m trying to look like a person, NOT like a hot mess mom” parenting style
  4. “IDGAF (I don’t give a f*ck) about what anyone thinks” parenting style
  5. “I’m just going to follow my own instincts and not read any of your books” parenting style
  6. “No guilt” parenting style
  7. “You worry about you” parenting style
  8. “Zero peer pressure” parenting style
  9. “I don’t care about your parenting style and you shouldn’t care about mine” parenting style
  10. “Happy family” parenting style
  11. “I’m just going to do the best I can and love my kids” parenting style

To learn more about our new parenting styles, watch our latest #MOMTRUTH !!

Mom Truths | PSA to all Husbands: Why You Aren’t Getting That Pony Ride

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FYI, men: just because you put a ring on it, it doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed sex – anytime you want – for the rest of your life…

Here are just a few of the reasons why the shop is closed for a bit:

  1. We don’t feel (or dress) as sexy as we used to. Instead, we rely on comfortable bras and underwear to get us through the day (aka to hold our boobs up so our nipples don’t touch the ground and to cover up the mum tum while simultaneously NOT being eaten by our ass).
  2. We’ve been surrounded by people literally all day, and our body has taken a serious beating. Someone was either in us, on us, or around us, touching us, grabbing us, pushing us, punching us, asking us, tugging us, barfing on us, peeing on us and/or throwing shit on us.
  3. We may have finally gotten a chance to shower and blow dry our hair, but we’re not interested in getting dirty again because we just. got. clean…and it has been so long since we last felt clean.
  4. We think about a million different things 24/7. We keep people alive all dang day! It is freaking exhausting.

If you want us to saddle up and ride the pony, you have to put in the work (don’t pet our hooha, pet our feelings, our heart and our brain instead).

Ladies, if your husband is wondering why his pony isn’t getting a ride, show him this video 😜