Mom Truths | What a Girl Wants

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Men, we love you. We do. And we couldn’t live without you. But there are just some things you need to learn. So, we’re breaking it down and letting you know what women really want…

Tip #1: When we’re lying in bed and I’m snuggling up to you, I’m actually looking for chit chat, pillow talk, an adult conversation – NOT the bone 🙅

Tip #2: If I am venting or complaining about something unrelated to you, stop what you’re doing, listen, and let me continue without interrupting. Don’t offer a solution, don’t list off all the steps on how to fix it, because I DON’T CARE. Just validate me. Let me know that my feelings are real and that they matter, and then ask if there is anything YOU can do to help. I may be completely wrong about everything, but all I want is for you to ask how you can help.

Tip #3: If I ask you if this bathing suit looks good on me, tell me it does. When I get home from the salon, compliment my new hair. When you look at me, pretend I’m the same woman that I was ten years ago (because, helloooo, I am). 🔥💃

Tip #4: My period is NOT your inconvenience, and my period is not the reason for my mood. You have no right to be annoyed that I’m bleeding for seven days straight. And don’t you dare tell me that there are “lots of other things we can do” during this time. Instead, empathize with me – please.

Tip #5: Be aware of what’s going on in our children’s lives. Come home from work early one day and offer to take them to one of their after-school activities. Take an unexpected day off to show your commitment to our family. Offer to help every now and then. Seriously. Only every now and then, that’s all I’m asking for! 🙏

Tip #6: When I ask you a question that has to do with future plans, don’t hesitate, don’t contemplate, don’t grunt and say maybe. Say: “That is an AMAZING idea. I love that idea!” There’s nothing more attractive than a YES man. 😍

Now guys, we’re not saying you’re bad people. That’s not it at all. We just want to help you. And that’s why we’re sharing these tips. You are welcome 👍

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video down below!

Mom Truths | Are You Ready to Be a Mom?

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If you want to know what motherhood is like, take this test. If you complete all five steps successfully, you’re ready to become a mom. And, GO!

  1. Visit a frat house during frosh week at 2am when everyone is incoherent, hanging off the walls, screaming at the top of their lungs for absolutely no reason whatsoever, possibly naked and very disrespectful.
  2. Take three different animals (ie. a chimpanzee, a cheetah and a sloth) and put them in a tiny, enclosed closet in your house. Make sure they’re really hungry…like so hungry they want to eat each other. Okay, now go stand in the middle of them.
  3. Get your drunk friend, your friend who hates your drunk friend and is super sensitive and overly emotional and is offended by everything your drunk friend does and/or says and a banshee all together and take them out with you in public.
  4. Go to a foreign country where no one speaks your language and try to communicate with the people there. When they get mad at you for not understanding them, pretend you know what they’re saying just so you can get out of there alive.
  5. Stay awake all night long for years in a row, while someone (or multiple someones) come into your room and scream at you, put you down, make you feel small for no reason and then ransack your house.

If you can do ALL of these things, you’ve passed the test and you are definitely ready to become a mom – CONGRATS ! 🎉

If you’re trying to determine whether or not you’re ready for kids, or if you already are a mom and you just need a good laugh, check out our latest #MOMTRUTH below.

Mom Truths | What Moms REALLY Think

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The truth is, people, the things moms say aren’t actually what we really mean. Unfortunately, if we were honest, we’d probably lose all of our family and friends!

Here are just some of the things we’re thinking when we say…

 

What Moms Say: I love staying at home so much. I feel so blessed that I get to spend this quality time with my kids all day, every day.

What Moms REALLY Think: I literally count down the minutes until bedtime.

 

What Moms Say: Every year, I fall more in love with my husband. Watching him as a father is incredible, and it really makes us more connected.

What Moms REALLY Think: Nothing irritates me more than watching my husband parent.

 

What Moms Say: At bedtime, I’m sad to see my kids go. I miss them all night long, and I can’t wait to see their little faces in the morning.

What Moms REALLY Think: The hours between the kids’ bedtime and when they wake up in the morning are literally the only thing that keep me sane.

 

What Moms Say: I feel so lucky that I get to have family dinners every night. It’s the one time in the day when we’re really able to slow down and connect with each other.

What Moms REALLY Think: Dinnertime is ALWAYS a disaster…

 

What Moms Say: The kids are amazing. They blow my mind every day! I don’t remember being this good at things when I was their age. The commitment they have to their sports and school is admirable.

What Moms REALLY Think: Kids these days are over-programmed and spoiled.

 

What Moms Say: I really value the time I spend dropping off and picking up my kids. It’s special because we’re all in the car together and we get to enjoy some great conversations with one another.

What Moms REALLY Think: The fighting, screaming and crying that happens makes me want to drive off the road.

 

What Moms Say: Oh, thank you so much for inviting us over for a playdate. I can’t wait to come to your house and spend time with you and all the other kids.

What Moms REALLY Think: I need an excuse, STAT.

 

For more of what’s really going on in a mom’s head, check out our latest #MOMTRUTH below!

Mom Truths | Mom Problems

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No one’s life is perfect; everyone struggles and faces challenges. But once you give birth to a child, you experience a whole new set of problems in life that no one else will.

Here are just 11 of the million and one problems that mom face on the daily:

  1. You get woken up from the deepest of sleep…multiple times…in one night.
  2. The clothes that fit you just last week are no longer relevant in your wardrobe anymore.
  3. Nobody in your house cares about anything you say. You might as well take your voice and throw it out the window.
  4. Wine bottles – they used to be a lot bigger! Now they are empty all. the. time.
  5. You run on a different clock than everyone else. In the mom world, a minute feels like an hour, an hour feels like a day, and a day feels like a week.
  6. You can no longer finish a thought or a sentence like a normal human being with a fully functioning brain.
  7. It used to take you about 15-20 minutes to get ready, but now it takes you 2 minutes (to shower, get ready, make breakfast, eat breakfast, and do all the things) and it takes everyone else in your house two hours.
  8. All of a sudden your is libido GONE. You went from a minx in bed to a sloth in bed in no time at all.
  9. You want to have a social life, but you’re too exhausted to go out for dinner at 9pm (aka your bedtime).
  10. Your grooming is completely out of whack. You either have too much hair or not enough hair on all the wrong places.
  11. You just don’t look like you used to, but the bigger problem is that you just don’t care.

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video and let us know what your mom problems are!

Mom Truths | How Not to F**k Up Your Kids

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There are a ton of people, experts, books, articles (etc.) out there telling you HOW to raise your child, but we’re keeping it simple. Here’s our advice on how to (hopefully) not f**k up your kids.

  1. When everyone else is telling you not to say no, say NO.
  2. Don’t be “friends” with your child. You’re not their friend, you’re their parent.
  3. When they accomplish something super basic (like putting their clothes away or their dishes in the dish washer), they don’t need to be celebrated.
  4. Feed them. Don’t overthink it. Just feed them.

For more advice, check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video below!

Mom Truths | Mom Brain

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A mom’s brain moves at like a million miles per minute, so we thought it would be fun to take you through a day in the life of a mom’s head…

6:28 am – You wake up before the kids and, while sipping your coffee, you assure convince yourself that today you’re going to apply the tips you learned from the parenting book you read the night before. You’re going to smile when you see the kids this morning, you’re going to be present, and you’re going to enjoy every minute with them today.

6:47 am – Your kids have been awake for 3 minutes, and you wonder how they can possibly be acting like absolute MONSTERS already?!

8:32 am – While getting everyone ready and out the door, you repeat yourself approximately 84 times. “Honey, can you please put your shoes on?” Three minutes later. “I just want to make sure you heard me. Can you please put your shoes on?” Two minutes later. “Where are your shoes? I asked you to put your shoes on.” One minute later. “PUT YOUR FREAKING SHOES ON!!!!”

8:56 am – You drop them off at school (just in time) and get back in your car only to find yourself replaying the entire morning over and over again in your head. You think of all the things you said and how you could have done things differently. You blame yourself for losing your patience and raising your voice, and you become overwhelmed with mom guilt. You seriously consider pulling the kids out of class to apologize because you’re concerned your yelling may end up scarring them for life. For LIFE.

1:41 pm – Gahhh, you miss them so much!!! You sit there scrolling through pictures of your kids and decide to post an Instagram photo to show just how much you love them and how proud you are to be their mom.

3:35 pm – You pick them up from school. You’re positive, happy and really excited to see them. They get in the car, and you tell them how much you’ve missed them and ask how their day was. They respond with no words, just a stone cold look on their face. They can’t even crack a smile. Nope. Nothing. Instead, they start fighting. You try to stay calm, but they won’t stop. So, now you’re freaking pissed, and you stop the car and lose your shit – again. You wonder if they’re ungrateful because of you. You wonder how you are going to fix this. You decide to hold a family meeting because this is OUTRAGEOUS and you can’t live like this any longer.

7:28 pm – The shitshow of bedtime happens and you lose your mind about ten thousand more times.

8:50 pm – After 3 bedtime stories, 5 songs, a couple (spilled) glasses of water, they’re finally asleep and you miss them again, so so much. You remind yourself to live in the moment and to appreciate each and every day because they’re only little once. You get all emotional and go into their room to look at them sleeping. Gosh, they’re just so cute when they’re asleep. You kiss their face and accidentally wake them up. Shiiit.

9:02 pm – You manage to get them back to sleep. You won’t make that mistake again… at least not tonight. You’re finally alone in silence and your mind races. You wonder why you’re such a bad mom. You think about tomorrow and how you’re going to be a better mom then. You’re going to wake up and be calm and present, and together as a family you’re all going to mindful of each other. You’re going to Google the best way to handle all the crazy that goes down in your house.

9:04 pm – Oh, you’re going to sign up for a webinar, too. A parenting webinar. And a podcast.

9:07 pm – You’re also going to start that diet tomorrow. Yep, that’s right, you are. 100%.

Hot dang, you guys!! One minute you love them, and the next minute you’re like WHAT THE ACTUAL **** IS GOING ON?? You wonder who’s psychotic – you or them. You cry a lot and then you laugh like a crazy person. You need a jug of wine to make it through and you also need to know that you’re not alone and we’re all in this together. That’s just the way it is, and you got this!

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video below!