Mom Truths | What They DON’T Tell You About Childbirth

0

As moms to seven kids, we feel it’s our responsibility to let you know what to actually expect when you have a baby. Because everything that you thought would be, is NOT – it’s actually the exact opposite.

Don’t think that you’re going to pop the champagne from the hospital bed and celebrate the fact that you’re a new mom.

Instead…

You’re going to put your hair up and never take it out, at least not for the next two years. (Don’t worry, you won’t be looking in the mirror anytime soon, so you won’t even realize what a disaster you are.)

You’re going to get an ice pack for your swollen, sore, pulsating, unrecognizable cooch.

You’re going to buy yourself some comfortable underwear that’s large enough to cover the pooch and hold ALL the padding.

You’re going to spritz your vagina three times a day.

You’re going to use laxatives so that you don’t push your uterus right out of your body when you poop.

And you’re going to watch our latest #MOMTRUTH video to prepare yourself and laugh at the fact that we’ve all been there and you’re so not alone.

Mom Truths | What Moms REALLY Want for Christmas

0

‘Tis the season for holiday lists and Christmas gifts.

Well, we’re here to tell ya that there is NOTHING in the world a mom wants more than to be appreciated for all the things she does for her family day in and day out.

It’s honestly that simple. We don’t have high expectations for Christmas. In fact, we have ZERO expectations for Christmas. We know the kids won’t behave, we know they’ll be overwhelmed and overtired, we know they won’t eat the food we cook, we know we’ll have to wrap all our own gifts that we bought for ourselves, and we know we’ll be the ones doing all the work. We know all these things!

All we’re asking for is the appreciation that we not only need but that we freaking deserve.

All we want is for our kids (even if it’s just one of them) to look at us and say, “Mom, I appreciate all the things that you’ve done this holiday. It literally could not have happened without you.”

We’d love a hand-written thank-you letter with a (long) list of things about us that they’re grateful for, you know?

We don’t need expensive, extravagant presents, shopping sprees, vacations, spa days or time alone. We’d give every one of those things up for one magical moment on Christmas where we feel appreciated. Is that too much to ask?

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH for more!

Mom Truths | To Our Husbands: Here’s Everything We WANT You To Do, But Don’t Actually Want You To Do

0

No man knows what it’s like to be a mom, but we WANT them to know what it’s like to be a mom…

We want them to feel (in their vaheen) the pain of childbirth. We want them to know the slow torture of cracked nipples. But, we realize that it’s physically impossible for them to understand these things and relate to us as moms.

So, we’re hoping that if we explain ourselves by listing off all the things women want their husbands to do but not do, they will finally get it.

  1. I want you to be more capable as a dad, but that would mean I need to give you the power to do things and I don’t want to give up the job – I just want you to know that the job is hard.
  2. I want you to do it (“it” being all the things), but I don’t actually want you to do it because I’m positive you’re going to do it wrong.
  3. I know you want me to go out for a girls’ night, but I’m not going out because I don’t want to go out, and I’m going to be pissed if you go out for a guys’ night.
  4. I want you to dress the baby, so I don’t have to do it all the time. But not in THAT outfit.
  5. I want you to take me away for a weekend, but I don’t want to leave the kids. So I just want you to want to take me away for the weekend.
  6. I want you to want me and make a move, but I don’t want to have sex.
  7. I want you to surprise me with the things I love but I don’t want you to spend any money.

It’s so simple. Give us what we want but don’t actually give it to us.

We’re crazy but we’re really NOT that crazy… men just don’t get us women. Hopefully this #MOMTRUTH video helps!

Mom Truths | Why Moms Lose Their Sh*t So Often

0

Once you become a mom, there are approximately 1,852 things that will cause you to lose your sh*t at any given time. Here are just a few of those things…

  1. When your spouse is sitting on the couch, right in front of our kid, yet your child feels the need to walk upstairs, open the bathroom door, walk in, ask why it smells and then proceed to ask you to open their yogurt drink.
  2. When you go to a restaurant and sit down to a meal (that YOU didn’t have to cook), and your kid has to go to the bathroom at that exact moment. They didn’t have to go before they left the house (you made sure to ask them), but the minute you sit down to have a glass of wine and a hot meal, THAT’S when they have to go.
  3. When you spend all your time planning meals, thinking about the nutritional value of the food you’re serving, going grocery shopping, and cooking dinner just so your kid can take two bites and say they’re done. To top it off, they tell you they’re hungry as soon as you’ve cleared the table.
  4. When you have to remind your kids every. single. night. (like it’s the first time they’ve heard it) that they have to brush their teeth.
  5. When you go to leave the house and your kid thinks for some reason that today they absolutely don’t have to wear socks.
  6. When you get your kid a glass of water and they spill it EVERYWHERE, every time.
  7. When your kids turn the house into a complete disaster and are shocked/mad when you ask them to clean up their toys.
  8. When your kids have been at school all day, yet 20 seconds into the ride home they’re ready to rip each other’s heads off.
  9. When you give your kids a bath and they create a freaking tsunami in the tub, splashing all of the water onto the floor.
  10. When your kid says “snack” – that word is literally on repeat all dang day.
  11. When you’ve done 17 hundred loads of laundry, and your kid comes down the stairs saying they have nothing to wear.

Moms, don’t let other moms tell you they don’t lose their minds. Don’t let them fool you. There are things that piss us all off and we ALL lose our shit on the daily. Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH below!

Mom Truths | Going Back to Work

0

To all employers who question whether or not they should hire a mom after she has taken time off with the kids, let us enlighten you…

Here are just some of the reasons why hiring a mom will be the best decision you’ll ever make.

  1. Moms can accomplish more in one hour than most people can get done in a day.
  2. Moms don’t need breaks. We don’t need lunch, because we live off crust and crumbs. And we never go to the washroom anymore – not until the very end of the day when everything else is taken care of.
  3. Moms are more than capable of dividing our time effectively and focusing on the task at hand. We get it done right, and we get it done fast, even if we’re surrounded by a bunch of annoying people who won’t stop talking to us.
  4. Moms have excellent communication skills and exude confidence when doing presentations or public speaking. We’ve been talking to a bunch of loud little people, teachers, doctors, etc. for forever, so we know how to command attention and get the message across.
  5. Moms have incredible problem solving skills, simply because we are a hostage in a hostage situation every dang day.
  6. Moms are great negotiators. Not only can we negotiate, but we’ll get you the best deal there is.
  7. Moms have completed more schooling than most people (JK, SK, Grade 1, Grade 2, Grade 3 – we’ve done it all, three times!!)
  8. Moms are peacemakers
  9. Moms are multitaskers
  10. Moms are team players
  11. Moms are the hardest workers you’ll ever meet

So, employers: it is in your best interest to hire moms. Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video for more!

 

Mom Truths | TOO MANY KIDS!

0

With seven children between the two of us, it’s safe to say we have a lot of kids. But how many kids is too many kids? Let us tell you…

You know you have too many kids when:

  1. You don’t know who is who anymore.
  2. You don’t know which kid is what age and God forbid someone asks for a birth date.
  3. The bedtime routine is never ending – bath, massage, songs, chit chat, stories  (aaand repeat for every single kid).
  4. Bathtime is a huge waste of water when you bathe your kids separately, and if you’re brave enough to put them in the tub together, you’ll end up with a wading pool on your bathroom floor (which is also a waste of water…).
  5. Mealtime is a waste of time. You make multiple meals for multiple kids, and none of it actually gets eaten. Instead, all they want is crap food and the baby eats Cheerios off the floor.
  6. Birthday parties are straight up nightmares rather than the extravagant, themed parties they used to be. Instead of inviting extended family, friends, and neighbours, you boycott the celebration altogether. You don’t have time or money to throw one kid a birthday party let alone ALL of them.
  7. Buying and receiving new baby gear and toys is no longer exciting. With every kid you’ve added to the mix, you’ve added more sh*t to the house and it’s just too much and you need to clear it out NOW.
  8. You stop encouraging your little one to participate in various activities. Now you only sign them up for what they ask for because you’re not a bank, nor are you a taxi service.

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video below!