Mom Truths | Sex BEFORE Baby vs. Sex AFTER Baby

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Before babies, you’d welcome it. “It” being  sex… doing the dirty, getting it on, rolling in the hay, a romp in the sac, or whatever you want to call it.

Your partner could touch any part of your body without you slapping him across the face, and there was no DANGER alarm that went off when he got close.

You shopped for lingerie because YOU wanted to, because it was fun and because hot dang you looked good in it! But there were also times when your man bought you something sexy to wear, and you didn’t take offense to it (shocking, we know).

You read Cosmo for tips on how to get better in bed because you actually wanted him to come back for more.

You made sure every inch of your body was clean, shaved, and smelling like a freaking rose garden, and you topped it off with lip gloss and a piece of gum.

Instead of walking around with leaky boobs, you were all about freeing the nip (along with everything else).

After baby? Well, let us tell you…once something comes out of your vaheen, you don’t want anything back in your vaheen EVER AGAIN.

You’re more gassy, prone to headaches, and your hair resembles a dead animal on the top of your head. You can barely get dressed let alone remember to put on deodorant, so you’re not really feeling or looking your best, ya know?

But if you do it, if you make it happen, you make sure it happens fast. Like real fast. You get it in and get it out, and the entire time you’re listening for a crying baby and/or living in complete fear that one of your tiny little people is going to find you in a compromising position.

There is literally NO good time, scratch that, there is no time period to have sex once you have kids. And on the rare occasion you do have time, you’d rather spend that time sleeping. So, after baby, a sexual curfew is in play. There’s no snuggling, and there is no way there’s going to be a round two. You can get back at it again in another month. You grew a freaking human inside you, mama, you deserve a break.

To see us rant about this in our lingerie, check out our latest #MOMTRUTH below!

Delicious Tofu Minestrone Recipe

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We’re on a mission to eat healthier (minus the chocolate cake, french fries and cocktail every now and then), and we’re always looking for new recipes to try!

Luckily, we’ve found some great recipes that allow us to sneak healthy foods into meals our kids will actually eat, like this tofu minestrone recipe from Good in Every Grain’s website.

As you can imagine, tofu isn’t exactly a food our kids beg us for on the regular, but we know that it’s a healthy option for meals because it’s made of soybeans, which are high in protein and iron. Veggies aren’t always at the top of their list, either. 

So, getting tofu, onions, carrots, celery, tomatoes, beans and more into one delicious meal is like hitting the jackpot. We feel like we’ve won as moms. The fact that we can batch cook this recipe and freeze it for another day is another major mom win. When we’re rushed for time or just not in the mood to cook (which seems like every night…), we can just pull it out of the freezer and heat it up for lunch or dinner!

If your kids are like ours and are obsessed with noodles, you can add pasta to the minestrone, which makes it even more filling. But FYI – pasta doesn’t freeze well, so we recommend adding noodles into the separate batches. You can also add something on the side (grilled cheese is our go-to).

Check out the delicious tofu minestrone we made below!

Tofu Minestrone

Just kidding, we stole this picture from the Good in Every Grain website.

Our photo may not have turned out as nice as the one above, but our soup sure as heck tasted as good as that photo looks. We may be eating off of plastic yellow plates, but we made some quality minestrone our kids actually enjoyed and that, friends, is something to be proud of!

Tofu Minestrone

You can find the full recipe on Good in Every Grain’s website.

Mom Truths | What We Really Mean When We Say…

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We want to help wives and husbands all over the world by offering a free tool that decodes what women mean when we say or do certain things. Our latest #MOMTRUTH is like a translator for husbands who have no freaking clue what the heck we want from them. We’re hoping this will act as a dictionary or a Bible, if you will, that men can refer to every dang day (or however often they need to).

WIFE TRANSLATION 101

When I say: I don’t have any clothes.
You should: Send me shopping.

When I say: I was up all night with the kids (but actually though – ALL NIGHT).
You should: Tell me to go back to bed! Take the kids out for the morning and bring me back a coffee…hours later.

When I say: It’s been a long day.
You should: Leave work and come home and take over for me.

When I say: The kids have been terrible people.
You should: Let me know I’m doing a good job, NOT act surprised because they’re “perfect” with you.

When I say: I’m feeling really overwhelmed.
You should: Ask how you can help rather than looking at me and saying “what’s wrong with you?”

Guys, it’s pretty simple actually. We don’t need a lot. We just want you to understand us. And we really hope this helps…

We’re decoding even more in our #MOMTRUTH video below, so check it out!

 

Mom Truths | Why We HATE The Park

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That’s it.

We can’t hold it in anymore.

We’re confessing our biggest dirty little secret.

Guys. WE HATE THE PARK! And we have boatload of reasons why…

No matter what season we’re in, the park is just a straight up disaster. It’s dusty in the summer, muddy in the spring, cold in the winter and too freaking leafy in the fall.

Chloe playing in mud

We don’t like that there’s an increased possibility our kids could get kidnapped. It’s just not a good feeling. We only have two eyes and two hands, and we have so many more kids than that! How are we supposed to keep them all safe?

Not only do we have to worry about the weirdos strollin’ around the park, we have to stress about all of the things that surround it – traffic, ravines, coyotes, bears, snakes, raccoons, the list goes on.

We hate that we have to pack our entire kitchen and bring it with us every. single. time. because these tiny little people need to eat a snack every three and a half minutes.

Chloe eating snacks

And someone always has to pee but there is never a good time or a good place to go. So this ends up happening…

Boys peeing outside

And what’s the deal with all of those monstrous, metal play structures?! They literally could not be more dangerous. It’s like they were built to make moms sit in fear as we wait for our kids to fall off.

Chloe at the park

GAHH. The amount of added stress the park brings is just too much, wouldn’t you agree?

For more reasons why we can’t stand the park, watch our latest #MOMTRUTH below!

 

Mom Truths | Why Me?

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We’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a woman and a mom. And the one thing we can’t quite wrap our head around is the fact that just because we were born with a vagina, we somehow inherited all of these jobs that men could do just as well as us.

Seriously, guys! Why is it that women are responsible for everything? Literally. Everything. 

Why are we responsible for going grocery shopping when the fridge is empty? They know when we’re out of the basic necessities. They know how to drive. And they know how to put items into a cart and then pay for said items. So, we have complete faith that they would totally nail it at this whole grocery shopping thing.

Why are we the ones who have to clean up after everyone? Our husbands are bigger and can therefore cover more space in less amount of time, so they’d be much more efficient cleaners. It only makes sense, right?

Why are we in charge of all things related to our children’s academics? We’re pretty positive our hubbies want our kids to be just as educated as we do, so why are we always the ones scheduling parent-teacher interviews, supervising field trips, helping with homework, etc.?

Why are we responsible for learning 1400 different parenting techniques and trying them ALL in order to find something that works for our family? We know dads want to raise good, kind people, too, so why is the pressure all on us?!

We are responsible for the planning, organizing and executing of all things, no matter how big or small. We are responsible for keeping these little people alive (not to mention we were responsible for growing them in our stomach for nine months and then giving birth to them). We are responsible for keeping our household up and running. And to top it off, we’re responsible for keeping ourselves from going absolutely insane due to all of the things we’re responsible for!

Holy, it’s exhausting.

We may just have to go on strike. We know the men in our lives are fully capable of doing all the things we do. And if they don’t know what they’re doing, they can Google it…just like we do. They can learn by trial and error…just like we do. We’re failing it and nailing it every dang day and we know they are capable of doing the same.

For a longer list of things that us women are responsible for on a daily basis, check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video!

Mom Truths | Sh*t Moms NEVER Say

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Once you have kids, there are certain statements that we can absolutely guarantee will NEVER come out of your mouth EVER again.

The truth is, you’ll develop a whole new vocabulary as a mom, but this sh*t will not be a part of it.

I feel so well-rested. I think I got too much sleep last night. 

Kids on the bed

I love how my kids are always smiling and always happy, all the time.

Toddler throwing tantrum

My house is so quiet.

Full house

This morning I don’t even need a coffee. I feel so awake and totally great!

Cat drinking coffee

I never have a “To-Do” list. It’s really nice to be able to make myself a priority. 

Cat juggling mom life.

For more shit moms NEVER say, watch our latest #MOMTRUTH video below!