Mom Truths | Going Back to Work

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To all employers who question whether or not they should hire a mom after she has taken time off with the kids, let us enlighten you…

Here are just some of the reasons why hiring a mom will be the best decision you’ll ever make.

  1. Moms can accomplish more in one hour than most people can get done in a day.
  2. Moms don’t need breaks. We don’t need lunch, because we live off crust and crumbs. And we never go to the washroom anymore – not until the very end of the day when everything else is taken care of.
  3. Moms are more than capable of dividing our time effectively and focusing on the task at hand. We get it done right, and we get it done fast, even if we’re surrounded by a bunch of annoying people who won’t stop talking to us.
  4. Moms have excellent communication skills and exude confidence when doing presentations or public speaking. We’ve been talking to a bunch of loud little people, teachers, doctors, etc. for forever, so we know how to command attention and get the message across.
  5. Moms have incredible problem solving skills, simply because we are a hostage in a hostage situation every dang day.
  6. Moms are great negotiators. Not only can we negotiate, but we’ll get you the best deal there is.
  7. Moms have completed more schooling than most people (JK, SK, Grade 1, Grade 2, Grade 3 – we’ve done it all, three times!!)
  8. Moms are peacemakers
  9. Moms are multitaskers
  10. Moms are team players
  11. Moms are the hardest workers you’ll ever meet

So, employers: it is in your best interest to hire moms. Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video for more!

 

Mom Truths | TOO MANY KIDS!

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With seven children between the two of us, it’s safe to say we have a lot of kids. But how many kids is too many kids? Let us tell you…

You know you have too many kids when:

  1. You don’t know who is who anymore.
  2. You don’t know which kid is what age and God forbid someone asks for a birth date.
  3. The bedtime routine is never ending – bath, massage, songs, chit chat, stories  (aaand repeat for every single kid).
  4. Bathtime is a huge waste of water when you bathe your kids separately, and if you’re brave enough to put them in the tub together, you’ll end up with a wading pool on your bathroom floor (which is also a waste of water…).
  5. Mealtime is a waste of time. You make multiple meals for multiple kids, and none of it actually gets eaten. Instead, all they want is crap food and the baby eats Cheerios off the floor.
  6. Birthday parties are straight up nightmares rather than the extravagant, themed parties they used to be. Instead of inviting extended family, friends, and neighbours, you boycott the celebration altogether. You don’t have time or money to throw one kid a birthday party let alone ALL of them.
  7. Buying and receiving new baby gear and toys is no longer exciting. With every kid you’ve added to the mix, you’ve added more sh*t to the house and it’s just too much and you need to clear it out NOW.
  8. You stop encouraging your little one to participate in various activities. Now you only sign them up for what they ask for because you’re not a bank, nor are you a taxi service.

Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video below!

 

 

 

Mom Truths | New Parenting Styles

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When did parenting styles become a thing? And WHY are there so many?

When we were kids, our parents got us out of bed, got us dressed, got us fed, and put us to bed. That was that.

Now there are like 700 different parenting styles – the tiger, the bear, the helicopter, attachment, authoritative…and the list goes on. and on. and on.

Well, not to make life even more complicated for everyone, but we decided to add a few more parenting styles to the list:

  1. “Where the F*CK is my coffee” parenting style
  2. “I’m just trying to make it through the day without falling apart” parenting style
  3. “I’m trying to look like a person, NOT like a hot mess mom” parenting style
  4. “IDGAF (I don’t give a f*ck) about what anyone thinks” parenting style
  5. “I’m just going to follow my own instincts and not read any of your books” parenting style
  6. “No guilt” parenting style
  7. “You worry about you” parenting style
  8. “Zero peer pressure” parenting style
  9. “I don’t care about your parenting style and you shouldn’t care about mine” parenting style
  10. “Happy family” parenting style
  11. “I’m just going to do the best I can and love my kids” parenting style

To learn more about our new parenting styles, watch our latest #MOMTRUTH !!

Mom Truths | PSA to all Husbands: Why You Aren’t Getting That Pony Ride

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FYI, men: just because you put a ring on it, it doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed sex – anytime you want – for the rest of your life…

Here are just a few of the reasons why the shop is closed for a bit:

  1. We don’t feel (or dress) as sexy as we used to. Instead, we rely on comfortable bras and underwear to get us through the day (aka to hold our boobs up so our nipples don’t touch the ground and to cover up the mum tum while simultaneously NOT being eaten by our ass).
  2. We’ve been surrounded by people literally all day, and our body has taken a serious beating. Someone was either in us, on us, or around us, touching us, grabbing us, pushing us, punching us, asking us, tugging us, barfing on us, peeing on us and/or throwing shit on us.
  3. We may have finally gotten a chance to shower and blow dry our hair, but we’re not interested in getting dirty again because we just. got. clean…and it has been so long since we last felt clean.
  4. We think about a million different things 24/7. We keep people alive all dang day! It is freaking exhausting.

If you want us to saddle up and ride the pony, you have to put in the work (don’t pet our hooha, pet our feelings, our heart and our brain instead).

Ladies, if your husband is wondering why his pony isn’t getting a ride, show him this video 😜

Mom Truths | Motherhood Is a Hangover

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If you’re anything like us, you’ve probably experienced a hangover once or twice before (…or more, let’s be honest). And if you have kids, you probably know the similarities between a hangover and a day in the life of a mom are uncanny. For those who aren’t familiar with one or the other, or both, let us enlighten you:

  1. When you first wake up in the morning, you’re a little groggy. You didn’t get much sleep. You don’t look good. And your brain is rattling. It’s a brand new day, yet you already look tired, weathered and wrung out.
  2. Your ears are sensitive to all the noises around you. Everything is so loud. SO LOUD. You just want to mute everyone and everything around you, lay in a dark room (in complete silence) and not move.
  3. When it comes to food, you grab whatever you can to make yourself feel okay. You think you can eat, you want to eat, but you just can’t. It’s like a constant tease.
  4. Your body feels like it’s having a constant panic attack. You’re anxious, you’re sweaty, you’re shaking, and you’re having palpitations.
  5. You try to focus, but you just can’t concentrate. It’s like your brain turned into legitimate mush.
  6. You’re dying for a nap at any point throughout the day, even if you can’t sleep. You just need a few minutes to yourself to re-coup.

Motherhood is basically one massive hangover without the drinking and the fun… Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH video to see what we mean!

Mom Truths | Give Moms a Break

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It’s actually mindblowing how many people just don’t get what life is like with kids. There are 1.9 billion children in the world, yet some people still don’t understand how kids talk, think, act, behave, live…

Us moms are trying our absolute best to raise good people, and we shouldn’t have to feel the added pressure of “inconveniencing” others.

So, here’s how you can give moms a break:

DON’T: Stare at us with utter disappointment that we’re “ruining” your morning coffee, as we struggle to make our way into the coffee shop with our gaggle of children (a stroller in front of us and a string of kids either hanging off of us or following behind).

DO: Get up and hold open the door for us frazzled moms, who have been up all night with little ones and likely won’t be able to function without this coffee.

 

DON’T: Wait for us to ask politely if you could possibly move to another open seat on the plane, train, bus, subway (or whatever mode of transportation we’ve managed to get our kids on), so that the child we’re currently holding on our lap can sit beside us.

DO: Offer us the seat beside you, so we can stay close to our little people without having them physically attached to us.

 

DON’T: Let out an annoyed “UGHH” when you see/hear one of our kids throwing it down.

DO: Understand that children make noises, and we can’t put a muzzle on them when we’re out in public (or ever…). Know that we’re trying to deal with the situation the best way we know how, while managing about 500 other things at the same time.

 

DON’T: Judge us when one of our little people are bawling their eyes out for reasons we can’t even explain.

DO: Trust that we’ve already done everything humanly possible to make this tiny little person stop crying.

 

DON’T: Look at us in disgust for being on our phones and “ignoring” our children.

DO: Realize that we’re probably using our devices to Google something kid-related, call someone to discuss something kid-related, schedule something kid-related or do anything and everything FOR our kids.

 

DON’T: Be annoyed that we’ve taken our kids out to a restaurant to eat.

DO: Understand that staying home all day long with these little people and cooking meal after meal (which no one actually eats) gets to be a little much. Appreciate the fact that moms, too, like to sit down for a hot minute to enjoy a meal.

 

DON’T: Stare in disbelief as to why we would ever have more than one or two children.

DO: Know that it’s our lives, and we can handle it. And let us know we’re doing a good job!

 

People just don’t get it. Life with kids is HARD, so why not make it a little easier for us moms by smiling and telling us IT’S OK. Check out our latest #MOMTRUTH below!